Like The Back of My Hand: To My Unborn Child

Dear Young’un,

Disregard everything you hear about me from your uncles and aunties – except they are good things, then regard them and look upon me with admiration.

Either way, I’m prepared/preparing to make you love me all the days of your precious life. We’re going to be really cool; me and you. But let me just get this out: I will not wear matching cloths with you; not when you are as tiny as my nose, not when you just start walking, not when you clock ten years old, not when you’re a teenager, and dear Lord, not when you’re old enough to be someone’s parent. But we’ll be really cool. (You see, because ‘cool’ is usually subject to the times and trends, I don’t want to fetter our coolness and list the things we’ll do together. Se o get mi?)

Anyway, irrespective of our coolness, we will discipline you. (I’m tempted to say ‘when I say we, I mean Jesus and I’. But I actually mean your father and I.) I’m looking for your father right now, but when I find him (or he finds me sha), I’ll ensure to tell him that we are going to discipline you. Disciplining for us would range from reprimanding to physical infliction of pain (I know this sounds really evil, so here’s a sober alternative: We will not spare the rod. Amen?). If you misbehave in a way that makes us feel like we are shepherds and you alone are a flock of sheep, our rod and staff will comfort you. I’ll use tools like pankere, like slippers… like the back of my hand.

But don’t worry, we’ll be cool. See ehn, I’m just running my mouth like this because I know I wouldn’t need any of these things I’m listing. How do I know? Because I know you like the back of my hand.

I already know what you’ll turn out to be. I have been praying for you since before your father grew his first beard. I know that you are a pillar for many generations; that in you the solutions to many problems lie, on you the strength of nations rests. I know that you are fit for palaces. I know that you will come to know God pretty early and you’ll never stop growing in knowledge of Him. I know that you will love people and love God. I know that you are kindhearted and you do good works. I know that you are obedient not just to God but also to everyone he has put in authority over you. I also know that your father and I will learn from you. So please how can we be beating you? Have you ever seen a student flog his teachers?

And finally, and most importantly, we will love you:

We will let you grow, like the nails on the back of our hands.

We will make sacrifices for you even if it means drawing out all the blood in our bodies through crooked veins on the back of our hands.

For you, we will go the extra mile, even on journeys as rough as the wrinkles on the back of our hands.

And like the back of my hand baby, I will watch over you. (Do you see my pun? No? With time you will. Haha! Do you see that one? No? Maybe when you clock 20 years old. Hahaha! Please tell me you get it? Think more, you may be seconds away from getting it? Ha! I love you)

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