It’s July and it’s my third month of being pregnant. Yes… I kept the baby.
A lot has happened; it’s unbelievable. I don’t even know where to start from.
First, I told Charles. I met him at the Domino’s near school. I met him there because it’s in the open and so he wouldn’t have the chance to hurt me or kill me if he wanted to. It isn’t like I think Charles is a killer; we just don’t know the kinds of things people are capable of doing under certain circumstances.
He was nervous; I could tell. When we sat down, he asked me if I was finally going to tell him why I’d been avoiding his calls since. I said, ‘Yes. Exactly. That’s why we’re here. Do you want to eat anything. Pizza?‘
‘Faith? What is it?’
I looked at him and the deep concern on his face. I studied every line on his face because I knew they were going to change in seconds when he heard the news. I was looking at his face but not at him really. Then I said, ‘I am pregnant…for you’
His puppy-drawn eyebrows suddenly creased together at the middle of his forehead and his pupils which were squinted in concern before suddenly dilated. His nose was flared and his lips trembled. Because he’s very fair in complexion, I could see his ears go red for a while, and then almost immediately, life drained from his face. Charles suddenly looked years older and weaker. He covered his face with both palms and we just sat there in silence for a while.
Then after sometime, he looked up and said ‘Is it wrong if I tell you to-‘ .
‘Yes‘ I retorted
‘Okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. So you’re going to-‘
‘I don’t know. I guess. If I won’t abort it then I guess I’m keeping it’ I replied with fear in my voice and confusion in my heart.
We don’t talk as we used to; Charles and I. He says it’s just pure poor luck that this ‘event’ occurred when he just got so busy with work, but we both know he’s lying. I already feel like a single mother and I don’t even know the sex of my baby yet.
My baby. Not ‘our’.
My parents also know. I don’t have the strength to talk about that one. Maybe next month.
Faithful and Fortune say that it’s cool; that I can talk to them and that they won’t even judge me but I see the way they look at me and the way they sometimes keep quiet when I walk into a room where they are. Well, what do you expect from two siblings; 26 and 27 years old; unmarried and unpregnant, whose youngest sister suddenly gets pregnant. They had thought I couldn’t even talk to a boy!
I am tired now. There’s so much to say. I’m showing a little now. People in my class notice. Everyone notices. Everyone points. Everyone talks. In the cafeteria; On the road; in the church; in the bus; everywhere. But that’s not what bothers me.
What keeps me up all night is- what does the future hold for me and my baby?
Tags: first trimester, future, pregnancy, unwanted, worry, youth
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